


I Cannot Regret You

by youandmeinlove



Series: Han Leia AU's [10]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Leia is pining, Modern AU, Slow Burn, childhood AU, like really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-15 21:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8073502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youandmeinlove/pseuds/youandmeinlove
Summary: Leia has known Han since her very first day at school.HanLeia childhood/High School AU where their relationship is...complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's part one, theres gonna be a few more chapters! As usual I wrote this in the middle of the night so I apologise for any grammar mistakes. Was originally gonna be a single chapter but it started to get really long.

_Even after you ruined me for any other, I cannot regret you. Even as I cleave the flesh of wanting from the bone, I hope the night sky is pretty wherever you are. -Unrequited._

 

1\. Your Majesty

She remembers the very first time she saw him.

It was her first day at school, and she couldn't have been more excited. Really she was supposed to be in kindergarten with Luke, but she found it far too easy. She was sick of drawing boats and practicing the ABCs until her voice hurt, she wanted to read and write and learn, really be challenged. One day she planned on becoming president or a doctor or a senator and she couldn’t do so if she was singing “twinkle twinkle little star”. Her parents had finally given in to her requests and enrolled her in elementary a year early.

So here she was, standing with a stern faced teacher at the front of a chaotic classroom, brimming with excitement for the day ahead. Once the teacher had finally settled the rest of the class, he introduced her and Leia squirmed under the scrutiny of her classmates. Some of them looked affronted that there was such a young girl in their grade, others seemed interested in her designer T-shirt and shiny shoes, but there was one pair of eyes that she met before anyone else's. He was scruffy and unkept, sitting alone at the back of the classroom. His shirt was dirty and so was his face, but even so she thought he might be the cutest boy that she'd ever seen in real life.

The teacher of course seated her with the kindest looking girl in the room, her name was Mon and she smiled brightly, loving being singled out and offered to show Leia around. Leia was grateful, but she couldn't stop thinking of the boy.

She learned his name the next day.

She was playing tag with a group of girls at recess and she ran so fast at one point that she didn't look where she was going and crashed face first into the boy. She'd collided so hard into him that she knocked both of them to the ground. She started to apologize but the boy just laughed and laughed like it was the funniest thing that ever happened to him. She'd grown cross and pushed off of him calling him a scruffy little nerfherder.

"That's Han to you, your majesty!" He said, sounding older than his 7 years. It sent a wave of butterflies through her stomach that she couldn't explain.

As she walked away to resume her game, she turned back and he was sat on the ground watching her, with a look on his face that she couldn't identify. She felt the corners of her mouth begin to turn up and turned away abruptly, breaking into a run again, trying to forget about Han and his stupid smile that made her feel like she was flying.

Boys were so icky.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

2\. The Wind In The Willows

It's about 5 years later when Han comes to her house the first time. It was just after her parents died.

It was Leia and Luke's 11th birthday party and Luke most definitely had more friends in attendance than she did. She tried her very best to socialize with everyone, joking and laughing and talking about the latest episode of Space Wars. Everyone was polite to her but they sensed her sadness and she wasn't in with their crowd so she found herself at the corner of the party room reading and feeling more miserable than she had in years.

That was when Han Solo walked in, in his 6th grade, scruffy glory. A couple of guys called him over immediately, Han was a popular guy, but his eyes instantly found Leia and he ignored them, sitting down next to her silently. They didn’t talk much, in fact they mostly shouted… but when he was being sincere she always felt funny. She could never put her finger on it. She pretended she didn't see him there, focusing intently on the words in front of her.

Han cleared his throat after a few moments and Leia prepared herself for a sarcastic comment or for some jibe at her appearance but none came. Instead he asked what book she was reading. She was surprised but didn't let it show, holding the book up for him to see the cover. Han nodded in response to the cover and fell into silence once again. After a few moments he cleared his throat again.

"That's one of my favorites." He said, causing Leia to meet his eye, her brow furrowed.

"The book. The Wind In The Willows." Han clarified nodding at the book in her hand. Leia kept her eyes on him for a long time and it must've been the light or something but she thought she saw a blush cross his face.

"My mom used to read it to me." He explained and Leia closed the cover, giving Han her full attention.

"Really?" She asked, not a hint of the usual annoyed tone she often used around him. "So did mine."

"Isn't Beru...?"

"She isn't my mother." Leia cut him off, knowing already what Han was going to ask, everyone always asked the same thing.

"She's our Aunt." She explained hurriedly, hoping Han wouldn't interrogate her further.

He didn't, he just offered her a smile and Leia felt her face heat up, it must've been from the summer heat. Must've been.

"I don't live with my mom either." Han told her suddenly. "I live with my best friends family."

"Your best friend? Chewie?" Chewie was a mute boy in their class who seemed to always be around Han. He wasn't at the party tonight and she wondered why but Han seemed to read her mind.

"They're on vacation this weekend. I would've gone but Luke wanted me here." He explained and Leia nodded before frowning again.

"So you're home alone?"

"Of course not. I'm staying here." He held up a small full backpack and grinned at her, eyes twinkling while she grimaced. Of course he was.

“Han!” Some guy yelled at him from the other side of the room, Han looked up and nodded at his friend.

“Be right over!” He called, but he stayed sitting next to Leia.

“Aren’t you gonna join the party?” She asked, feeling a little downhearted in spite of herself. Nobody yelled across rooms for her.

Han seemed to read her expression and stood, offering a hand to help her up.

“Only if you do too.”

She considered him a moment, not sure how to react. Why was he being so nice to her?

Was he making fun of her? No.

Did he actually want her around?

Of course not. But then again…

He was staring at her oddly, he looked almost hopeful and it was confusing. He hated her! He teased her every opportunity he could, she was pretty sure he laughed about her to all his stupid friends but she had to admit she felt tempted to follow him. There was sincerity in his eyes she’d never seen before but also vulnerability there, load and clear. He was afraid of her rejection, Han Solo, 6th grade badass was scared of being rejected.

She hesitantly took his proffered hand and let him help her stand. Their hands remained joined for a couple of seconds that felt like minutes, Leia looked up at Han’s face to find him looking at their entwined fingers. She felt heat spread across her face yet again and cleared her throat. Han seemed to realize what he was doing and dropped her hand like it burned. He ran a hand through his hair nervously and tried for a smile, but it came out uncharacteristically nervous.

Good. She thought. At least we’re on the same page.

She opened her mouth to say something when Luke appeared grinning widely.

“Han! You came!” He exclaimed running to hug his friend Han returned it, grinning and patting his back.

“Happy Birthday, better Skywalker.” He turned and winked at Leia, the arrogance she was used to was back in his voice. Leia sighed, well that lasted a long time.

They went back to their ‘Tom and Jerry’ routine after that, but it felt like a turning point to Leia. Perhaps she was right.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

3\. Sadie

He went to the same High School she did.

Just when she thought she might get rid of him.

Then again Tatooine wasn’t exactly a big place there weren’t too many options, still she was shocked when she sees him that first morning.

He was in very few of her classes and she was both thrilled and horrified.

He was so distracting.

He sat with her sometimes and he’d seem genuinely happy to see her. That was nice.

He kissed random girls sometimes, anywhere, everywhere. That was less nice.

They were never serious though and that was why it surprised her when Han started dating Sadie in 9th grade. She’s not so sure why it bothered her so much. Sadie was beautiful and tall and blonde, all things she wished she could be but was not. She told herself she didn’t care. Not about Han or his love life. But when she saw them together something she couldn’t comprehend made her want to run over and pull him away from her.

Maybe she needed to get a new hobby.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

4\. Dealer

She started to get suspicious one Monday, when she saw him across the canteen. He was sitting alone, with a tray of food in front of him but not touching one bit of it, which was odd seeing as he was the single most gluttonous guy Leia had ever met.

A freshman approached him and Leia half expected Han to send him on his way but instead he reached into his backpack and handed the kid a large paper bag. The frosh thanked him before handing him a bunch of dollars and scuttling off excitedly. Leia had been dumbfounded. There had been rumors of drug-dealing within the school walls, in fact the principal had addressed the school directly, making it absolutely clear that he would not tolerate such things and anyone caught doing so would be severely punished.

She decided not to confront him then. Perhaps she’d been mistaken, nobody was stupid enough to deal drugs in a food hall in broad daylight to a freshman so she let it pass. Then it happened again and again, then it was every day that week.

The rage inside her began to build and build.

Was Han Solo really so stupid as to risk his education? To risk the education and health of the teenagers he sold to?

Finally, the following Monday after handing packages to not one, but two or their peers, Leia had had enough.

She stormed towards him and ignoring his attempt at a greeting she grabbed the front of his shirt, and pulled him along with her out of the food hall and into the hallway. Luke passed them by and eyed Leia questioningly. She rolled her eyes by way of explanation and Luke raised his hands as if to say he was fine not knowing. Finally she stopped, shoving Han into the wall furiously.

“What are you doin…” He started but Leia cut him off.

“I always knew you were an idiot Han Solo but I had no idea how much till today.”

Han’s brow furrowed, there was no sign that he knew what she was talking about but she knew how good his poker face was so she continued.

“Do you ever think about the consequences of what you do? Not just to those kids you sell drugs to but to yourself? You must have a death wish.” She snapped with more ferocity than she knew she had.

“Drugs?” Han stared dumbly at her for a few moments before the realization dawned across his face.

”It’s not what you think.” He explained and then looked down at his feet sheepishly. “I’m selling candy.”

Leia couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d told her he was joining a monastery. No this was the last thing she’d expected him to say.

“Candy…” She didn’t sound convinced so Han sighed and leaned in as if relaying top secret information to her.

“I don’t get paid a hell of a lot at the hardware store and I can’t get another job since I’m in school, so during my breaks I-”

“Sell candy.” Leia finished for him. She couldn’t help it; it was just so ludicrous and surreal that a flurry of giggles bubbled from her lips. Han frowned, offended.

“It’s not funny, it sells a lot more than you’d think.” He grumbled but it only worsened the situation.

Leia put her head in her hands and continued to giggle into them, feeling lighter and more at ease than she had been for…well years. He was selling candy to freshmen it was probably the most innocent thing she had ever heard. And coming from Han Solo, who saw himself as such a badass…

“Oh, I think that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.” She said between gasps. “Oh god this is too good! I thought you were a drug dealer but you’re the goddamn candy man! Oh my…”

Her laughter stopped her from continuing. Leia was now doubled over, tears flooding from her eyes and a real, huge, genuine laugh bursting out of her, a laugh she usually held back from. She was once told by her birth father that she was ugly when she laughed and that always stuck with her, so she tried her hardest not to. Now that she started she couldn’t seem to stop. Han was clearly taken aback but some of his earlier annoyance had vanished and there was a glint of amusement in his eye.

“Laugh it up your worship.” Han tried to keep a stern face but his lip curled up a little, then he smiled, then grinned ear to ear and then he joined her laughter loudly and as ridiculous as she was. He was practically cackling and it was one of the most magical sounds Leia had ever heard. He wasn’t a stranger to laughing, but usually it was a teasing chuckle, nothing more but now it was as if they were in tandem. Finally equals. Leia snorted loudly and she should’ve be embarrassed but Han sharing in her humor just set her off again. She could feel people begin to stare at the two of them, standing in the hallway in hysterical laughter, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. She was shaking so much from laughing that Han had to steady her, one hand on her hip, the other on her shoulder. She froze, her laughs came to an abrupt halt as she met his eyes. It was like a jolt of electricity passed through her body, she was overcome by how handsome he’d become. Sure she’d always found him cute, attractive, whatever, but she hadn’t thought too much into it but at that moment she truly realized the effect he had on her.

His eyes darted between her eyes and lips and Leia inhaled shakily before taking a step closer. She wanted to kiss him, she realized she had for ages, and if she didn’t know any better…She saw something in his eyes that drew her in, the pupils dilated and her butterflies increased. There was an energy between them that was indescribable and she felt a tug at her heart towards him. She knew now that she wanted him for herself. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to be the one to make him smile and laugh and kiss her in the hallways. She almost considered just kissing him to see what happened but then she remembered…. he had a girlfriend. He was with the prettiest girl in school, he was crazy about Sadie he didn’t want Leia. She was deluding herself.

As if to confirm this insight, Sadie appeared from behind Han, wrapping her arms around Han’s waist tightly.

“Miss me?” She asked flirtatiously and Han stilled, his face paling like a child caught out for something. Leia guessed he was worried Sadie would misinterpret their relationship. She almost scoffed at that, as if.

“I have to get to class.” Leia lied quickly, she had a free period but she wasn’t about to stand there and watch the couple make out for 10 straight minutes. “See you later Han, Sadie.”

“Bye Leia.” Sadie said cheerily, oblivious to Leia’s glares. Her arms remained around Han’s waist, but he wasn’t returning her caresses, instead his eyes intently fixed on Leia. He seemed momentarily speechless, then he cleared his throat.

“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He asked nervously and Leia was almost lost for words. This guy was gonna be the death of her.

“Yeah.” She replied croakily, her voice still stuck in her throat. She forced herself to turn away, but not before Sadie walked around Han’s body to kiss him. He returned it slowly and it felt like a bullet to the heart.

She didn’t like this new development one little bit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to know Han's girlfriend a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to write during the day. I hope you guys enjoy this, I'm worried this was lacking something. Please let me know what you think.

  1. Friends



Since their conversation in the hallway that had revealed far too much for Leia’s liking she avoided Han like the plague. She changed direction if she saw him walking towards her down the hallway, sat anywhere but near him in class and she even went home for lunch just so she didn’t have to see his stupid, gorgeous self selling candy to kids. 

She just found him more adorable than ever and it was very problematic seeing as she’d vowed to stay away from him for the rest of her life. It was just all so complicated and Han was with Sadie.

Sadie was crazy about Han, her public displays of affection made that clear. She held his arm, gazed up at him adoringly and kissed his lips, lingering and he returned them in kind. Leia could barely stand to watch them together. It would’ve been a lot easier if Sadie was a nasty person, Leia could’ve hated her then, called her easy, desperate, every name in the book but she wasn’t like that. She was sweet and really smart, she was in a few of Leia’s classes and she got A’s for mostly everything, she almost had as good grades as Leia herself and she was pretty. Some girls just got it all. 

She was also really genuinely nice to Leia, which was incredibly irritating.

One afternoon Leia was sitting on a bench out the front of the school alone, reading, she was avoiding the lunchroom and Han yet again. She was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t feel someone sit beside her until she heard a girlish voice speak from beside her.

“Hey Leia!”

Leia’s eyes shot up in surprise to see Sadie, beaming at her. And it wasn’t a fake smile either it was an ear-to-ear job.

“Sadie, hi.” Leia replied, suddenly shaking, almost dropping her book, not understanding why she felt so nervous all of a sudden.

“You looked lonely out here all alone so I thought I’d come join you.”

Trust her to be generous enough to seek her out to keep her company. Damn Sadie and her damn kind nature, it made Leia feel like a bitter old woman.

“I’m ok.” Leia replied briskly. “I like to read.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. I actually came here to talk to you.”

“About what?”

Sadie seemed to consider her words a moment, before her brow furrowed and a conflicted expression crossed her pretty face. Leia took the opportunity to drink in the other girl’s appearance and the pang of jealousy she’d been trying to avoid bubbled up anew. How anyone could look so effortlessly immaculate with very little grooming was beyond her. Leia was all about supporting other women and hated the way that around Sadie she almost seemed to villainize her, despite her obvious innocence. There was just something very frustrating about someone so gorgeous not seeming to know this was so.

“Well, you’re friends with Han right?” Sadie finally spoke.

Leia almost laughed out loud at that. Friends? Not exactly.

“Um, I’m not a hundred percent sure what you’d class us as really Sadie.” Leia explained awkwardly staring at Sadie’s shoes to avoid eye contact and Sadie nodded before continuing.

“But you’ve known him a long time, right? And he mentions you a lot.”

Leia looked up at that and an unintentional tornado of butterflies filled her stomach at the thought of Han talking about her. For the hundredth time Leia wondered what was wrong with her. Han was just a _guy_ …just a guy who mentioned her. _A lot apparently._

“What does he say?” Leia asked, hoping she sounded indifferent but her heart fluttered as she anticipated Sadie’s answer. Thankfully Sadie didn’t seem to catch on.

“Oh, just in passing like if we see a movie together he’ll say that you’d enjoy it or when I drag him to the bookstore, he’ll point out the books he’s seen you read.” She explained and Leia tried to hide her pleased smile. Han thought about _her_.

_Pull yourself together Organa._

Sadie resumed voicing her concern.

“He’s been acting kinda distant lately, distracted. It’s been since last week, just after you guys were chatting in the hallway that time, remember?” Leia swallowed, nodding silently. As if she could forget. She thought about that day often and of the sound of Han’s glorious laugh and the way his large hands felt on her as he steadied her. Yeah. She remembered alright.

“I was wondering if he’s said anything to you about what’s going on cause I just can’t figure it out.” Sadie’s voice cracked and Leia’s felt herself soften. It seemed the poor girl was feeling just torn up and twisted by Han, he had that effect. That was something she could empathize with, which was why she considerably relaxed then. Sadie wasn’t here to gloat.

“No, he hasn’t said anything to me, how’s he been acting?” Leia wondered aloud.

“Oh, just quiet and it seems like there’s always something on his mind.” She leaned in, her voice lowering to a whisper. “He’s rejected me so many times when I’ve asked him to come out with me. He just seems to want to stay at home all day instead of going on dates with me.”

Sadie’s voice broke then and Leia saw that tears were beginning to form in her eyes. Leia suddenly felt a pang of sympathy for the poor girl; she was obviously trying really hard. Leia awkwardly patted her shoulder and Sadie smiled gratefully at her.

“I’m sorry to bother you with all this. It’s just you and Luke really do mean a lot to Han, even if he doesn’t show it and I really want to get to know you. Can we please be friends?”

Leia considered Sadie’s words. What could be the harm in friendship?

“Sure.”

 

  1. Sleepover

“Leia! You came!” Sadie threw her arms around Leia almost immediately after opening her front door. Leia took a breath and returned it. It was a week after their conversation and Sadie had been nice enough to invite Leia to her birthday party. Leia had initially felt reluctant to accept, seeing as their friendship was new and awkward, but she’d been invited to so little birthday parties in her lifetime and it felt nice to be included for once. Even if being around Sadie reminded her of…

No she wasn’t thinking about him. She was here for her _friend_. Sadie had really been lovely to Leia the past couple days, she’d invited her to her lunch table, picked her first in P.E. and even saved a seat for her on the bus one morning. All this only increased her guilt at her confusing feelings towards her boyfriend. So much for girl power.

“Happy Birthday Sadie.” Leia tried for a smile, which Sadie returned gleefully. “I got you a present.”

Leia handed her a small wrapped package, it was something she’d bought last minute but Sadie looked pleasantly surprised nonetheless and pulled Leia into another hug, gratefully.

“Thanks! You’re so sweet! You’re actually one of the first to arrive, come through will you?”

Sadie lead Leia into the lounge, all the time chatting and joking. Leia was totally unprepared when they entered the room to find a familiar someone sprawled across the couch, watching racing on TV.

“Han.” Leia breathed, his name leaving her mouth without thinking.

Han looked up and automatically sat up straight, like a schoolboy caught out by his teacher. By the surprised and slightly terrified look on his face, he was just as surprised to see her, but he masked this quickly with his signature smirk. But it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Hi Leia.”

Leia could _feel_ the electricity between them as they took each other in after weeks of avoidance. The same electricity present that day she laughed with him in the hallway. The same electricity she’d felt that very first day she saw him. It was deafening. It both filled her to the very core and drained her. She couldn’t feel this way about him.

About _Han_.

Han Solo.

The guy who didn’t care about anybody.

The guy who hated her.

The guy who she wanted to hate more than life itself.

The guy who had a girlfriend.

Her _friend’s_ boyfriend.

Han.

Just as Leia almost came to her senses a large ding of a bell tore the moment away from her. Sadie, ever the oblivious, squealed with enthusiasm and began to run to the door, leaving Leia and Han to simply watch each other.

“How’s it going your worship?” He asked her, clearing his throat.

“Back to the nicknames are we?” Leia cocked her head on its side in mock-curiousity. Han seemed to appreciate Leia’s playfulness.

“Guess so.” He chuckled before he eyed Leia warily. “You and Sadie are friends?”

“We are. She’s a nice girl.”

Han nodded and he sighed almost regretfully and Leia wondered what was going on below that magnificent head of hair of his.

“Yeah…I know.” His voice suddenly sounded vulnerable and all traces of teasing left his face. He looked almost _sad_. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I’ve been busy.” She snapped by way of reply. She _had_ been busy, but they both knew that wasn’t the reason for Leia’s dismissiveness.

“I missed you.” He admitted without any trace of sarcasm. “A lot.”

Leia audibly gasped at Han’s admittance, waiting for him to laugh, joke, tell her it was all just a prank but his gaze remained serious and almost _longing_ …There they were again, the damned butterflies, more of them now every single one gnawing at her gut, ripping up her insides until there was nothing left.

“I…missed you too.”

The words seemed to leave her mouth of their own accord and Leia felt them float between them for a while, neither one knowing what to say next. It was unbelievable, for two such outspoken individuals to take the speech away from each other. They were like two contradictions, cancelling each other out into non-existence.

Han looked as if was about to open his mouth when Sadie and three others girls entered the room chatting and laughing, Han’s eyes flickered away from Leia’s as he studied the drink in his hand intently. Sadie handed Leia a drink of her own and introduced her friends; Maggie, Shara and Jyn. Leia recognized the girls from school and they seemed surprised to see her there but they greeted her kindly and when they turned to Han, the tall one, Maggie turned beetroot red and giggled to her friends. She reached to shake his hand in greeting and almost tripped in the process, stumbling over her words as she apologized. It seemed Han had quite an effect on women.

Han met Leia’s eye and she raised an eyebrow meaningfully, his lip quirked up amusedly and he coughed to cover up a laugh. Leia felt her heart soar in her chest but she tried to suppress it. Not here, not _now_.

“There’s a few more of my friends coming and then I invited Lando and Chewie so poor Han doesn’t get bored.” Sadie explained and she moved to sit on Han’s lap. He stiffened considerably and Leia now understood what Sadie had been so upset about. He looked afraid, as if her touch might kill him on the spot. It made zero sense. Sadie met Leia’s eye and the two shared a moment of silent communication. Sadie raised her eyebrows as if to say _‘don’t you see what I mean?’_ and she sighed sadly.

“Are you staying over Leia?” She asked after a moment of silence.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware it was an option!” Leia felt herself blush. She hadn’t been to many slumber parties and the concept frankly petrified her.

“Natalie cancelled on me so we have an extra mattress. I’d love for you to stay Leia, really!”

“I haven’t got any overnight clothes or pajamas.” Leia told her, half hoping this would be enough to get her out of this but Sadie of course had a solution.

“No worries, I’ll lend you something it’s no trouble at all.”

Leia met Han's eye. No trouble at all.

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you. I’ll stay”

“YAY!” Sadie leaned over and hugged Leia enthusiastically before perching on Han’s lap yet again, this time he placed his hands of her hips to steady her and a hopeful expression crossed her face, Leia had to look away, her heart cracking.

“Let’s get this party started!”





	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night time can't always hide everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So yeah it's been a while, don't shoot me! I'm going to try to be more regular with updates. There have been a lot of life things to deal with but I'll be a lot more active over the summer. Hope this chapter comes out ok. Please let me know if you enjoy it. Thank you for reading! - Ali

  1. Soft



Leia sighed and her eyes bore into the dark ceiling. Beside her Sadie was curled up, fast asleep. Her beautiful golden hair spread around her like a halo. She had insisted on Leia sharing the bed with her in spite of her protests. Luckily Han and the boys were camping in the backyard so she didn’t have to deal with his snoring… or arrogant laughter… or his handsome relaxed face in the dim light and bare chest on display…

_Good gods woman pull yourself together…_

It was thoughts like this that were keeping her awake and alert at 3am. In the bedroom of a girl who was almost too good to be real whilst Leia daydreamed about said girls boyfriend.

Leia really wasn’t doing well on the moral compass at the moment. There was just something about that boy that got her blood boiling and her heart racing. He made her forget she was an independent person who didn’t rely on relationships and romance to complete her. Gods she should’ve asked Luke to come with her as a distraction.

Deciding it wasn’t worth trying to sleep any longer, Leia quietly pulled the covers back and climbed off Sadie’s queen sized bed with ease, tiptoeing around her sleeping friends and out the bedroom. She was just going to grab a glass of water from the kitchen and sit for a while as she sipped it and maybe that would clear her mind. But once she stepped into the kitchen she stopped still. Han was sitting at the table, in the dark, with a bowl of chips and dip, but instead of eating he was gazing out the window quietly. Leia didn’t immediately announce her presence instead taking her time to take in his face. She had rarely seen Han Solo when he was alone, or at least not when he was acting the role of a confident, snarky, troublemaker. This Han Solo was soft somehow in a way Leia wouldn’t have expected. He was calm, in deep contemplation, no lines on his face or any sign of stress. This Han was younger, still handsome but in a sweeter way, seeming every bit the nice boy Leia’s mother had once described that she wanted for her daughter. If Leia was attracted to _Han Solo the bad boy,_ she was downright fascinated by Han Softie and as she watched him she became increasingly curious about what he was thinking of. Loathe to break the spell, but sensing Han would notice her standing there eventually, Leia cleared her throat.

His eyes met her immediatly and he was not startled though his eyes widened as he took in Leia’s appearance. She looked down at herself and couldn’t help but smirk. Sadie was a skinny girl but a lot taller than Leia so the T-Shirt she’d leant her almost reached her knees. Despite this, Leia wasn’t prone to showing her skin and she supposed this was the closest thing to sexy she had ever looked. Additionally she had let her ridiculously long hair free of its usual bun and it hung just below the hem. Luke had once called Leia’s hair fairylike and she supposed that was a good feature to have, Han certainly seemed captivated by it and Leia flushed, grateful for the lack of light to highlight this. Han seemed to notice he was staring and tried for a smile, clearing his throat.

“You a insomniac too?” He asked in a low voice that sent a chill through her body.

“I do all my best thinking at night.” Leia replied by way of explanation and she moved to sit by him. Han seemed to accept this, nodding.

“Chewie’s a quiet guy but he sure can snore.” Han continued with a chuckle and Leia grinned at the image.

“Well you’ll be happy to know your girlfriend sleeps very quietly.” Leia’s voice trailed off slightly. She had meant to keep up the light mood but she was suddenly struck by the image of Han and Sadie in bed together. His arms around her small waist, her head pressed against his chest. The thought was like an arrow to her heart. She kept her eyes on her bare feet as she continued. 

“I mean…you’re probably aware of course.” 

Han was silent a while before he gave Leia the warmest smile she’d ever seen from him. “I wouldn’t know sweetheart. We’re not quite at that stage.” 

Leia stilled. His voice. His words. His unusually sweet face. It was overwhelming. 

“Why not?” She heard herself ask, as Han seemed to move in closer.

“Not sure we’re right together.” Leia could feel his breath on her face as he spoke. "I think I like my girls a bit more fiery. Stuck up." 

Han moved closer still, stopping about an inch away from her face.

Leia’s breath hitched at his words, unsure what to do yet leaning closer. Her heart stopped as her nose brushed his. Her eyes flickered to his full, beautiful mouth and then to his eyes. She was surprised to find them gentle and affectionate.

She didn’t mean to do it, not consciously. This was Sadie’s house! It was the middle of the night! This was Han Solo! Bad news. But she couldn’t resist him, not any longer.

She trembled as she pressed her lips to his, heart setting on fire as he returned it enthusiastically. Han groaned when she opened her mouth, lacing his fingers through her dark hair as they both gave in to what they’d resisted ever since they’d met.

And they stayed like that, helpless and desperate and together unaware of the pair of eyes watching them from a tent outside.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han's POV post-kiss. Chewie gives some advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPER short chapter and a long time coming. Sorry if this is incoherent but there is more to come I promise you.

  1. The Dark



 

The sun was beginning to rise when Han crept back into the tent. His heart was still on fire. Memories of Leia’s mouth on his, the way her hair felt between his fingers, of her twinkling eyes in the dim light. What had he been thinking? This was not the place, not the time. He was still in a relationship for Christ’s sake! But the moment he’d set his eyes on her that evening… her pale skin more on show than he’d ever seen it, her hair loose and so long it took his breath away. She was a princess, an angel and he was not worthy of her. Why had it taken so long for him to realize how he felt?

The signs had all been there. They’d been there from day 1…no girl had _ever_ affected him like Leia did. She challenged him, she kept him on his toes and though this could be irritating as all hell… he’d always got a thrill from it. It was only in that hallway a few weeks ago…when her captivating laugh revealed the truth that had been staring him in the eye all this time. He liked Leia. More than a friend. And that just…. Well it sucked ass to be quite honest.

He was with Sadie. She was supposed to just be a short fling at first as all the other girls had been. But she was sweet as hell and kind and funny and he’d grown to care for her. But then there was Leia. Nothing compared to the feeling he got in his chest when he heard her voice, saw her smile, when he caught her looking at him from across the cafeteria. Luke often questioned Han about his relationship with Leia and what the deal was.

He didn’t blame him.

He’d like to know that himself.

Han moved to open his sleeping bag when he heard someone clear their throat. He turned to see Chewie sitting awake with his arms crossed.

Han breathed a sigh of relief, he’d thought it might be Sadie.

He signed to Chewie, _Whats up?_

_I heard you get out of the tent. Where did you go?_

Of course he had. Chewie was sharper than a knife.

_I couldn’t sleep. I went to get some water._

Chewie snorted in disbelief. _You were gone for some time. I got worried._

Han stiffened. Chewie had that look on his face the one that always meant he knew something and wasn’t gonna be fooled by any excuse. The boy was mute but he was smarter than any other guy he knew and wouldn’t let this go.

_You saw._ Han signed after a few minutes of silence.

Chewie nodded, waiting for Han’s explanation.

_I didn’t know it was gonna happen. I swear Chewie._

_But it still did happen friend. I knew there was something, you look at her more than anyone. And you never shut up about her and how irritating she is. But you shouldn’t have done this. It isn’t fair on her or on Sadie._

He was right, of course he was. But he didn’t know how in the heck he was supposed to fix it. The kiss had happened and it had been mutual but he shouldn’t have let her kiss him. But she was mesmerizing in the moonlight and he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t resist.

_What can I do?_

Chewie thought a long while before signing: _You have to choose. Sadie or Leia. But remember these girls aren’t some conquest Han, they’re people with feelings. Leia was in the wrong but I bet she’s torturing herself over this. You two need to talk this through. And tell Sadie before she finds out the hard way._

And then he simply tucked himself into his sleeping bag and closed his eyes, leaving Han in the dark with his thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought, thanks for reading.
> 
> (Also it's gonna get angsty later on, just a fair warning.)


End file.
